bellabeesyde

Before I was a mum

Wed, 07 May 2008 11:00:20 GMT

This came from a page on Netlog from dingoboots.
I thought it summed things up nicely. Well done dingoboots.

Before I was a Mum
I never tripped over toys or forgot words to a lullaby.
I didn't worry whether or not my plants were poisonous.
I never thought about immunizations.

Before I was a Mum -
I had never been puked on.
Pooped on.
Chewed on.
Peed on.
I had complete control of my mind and my thoughts.
I slept all night.

Before I was a Mum
I never held down a screaming child so doctors could do tests.
Or give shots.
I never looked into teary eyes and cried.
I never got gloriously happy over a simple grin.
I never sat up late hours at night watching a baby sleep.

Before I was a Mum
I never held a sleeping baby just because I didn't want to put him down.
I never felt my heart break into a million pieces when I couldn't stop the hurt.
I never knew that something so small could affect my life so much.
I never knew that I could love someone so much.
I never knew I would love being a Mum .

Before I was a Mum -
I didn't know the feeling of having my heart outside my body.
I didn't know how special it could feel to feed a hungry baby.
I didn't know that bond between a mother and her child.
I didn't know that something so small could make me feel so important and happy.

Before I was a Mum -
I had never gotten up in the middle of the night every 10 minutes to make sure all was okay.
I had never known the warmth, the joy, the love, the heartache,
the wonderment or the satisfaction of being a Mum .
I didn't know I was capable of feeling so much, before I was a Mum .

Trust Issues

Wed, 07 May 2008 03:11:07 GMT

Being able to get in here every day and putting my thoughts in writing is proving to be harder than what I thought.
I have this tiny parinoia that someone close to me or someone I know will find this and read it and know too much about me.
There are things that I keep to myself for reasons being none other than trust, and the lack of it I hold with people around me.

Not an easy thing to overcome when you have had a life of constantly being used and betrayed by people. At first I was just too naive to think that people could be so mean and nasty and not keep anything in confidence. It has taken me a number of years to work out that the people I trusted were betraying me.

I try and try to let go of the resentment I hold for people and the trust issue I have with people. It is just not as easy as people try and advise me it is. Do they look at me and think I am an idiot when they suggest that all I have to do us just open up and let it out and everything will be ok. Yeah right. I tried that and where did that get me?????

My head just wont let me move on as easily as I would like.

First Post

Wed, 23 Apr 2008 23:46:36 GMT

Well I have finally gotten in here to do my first post.
Hopefully I will be able to pop in every day and blog something of my day.
I want to be able to keep this as like a daily diary or my thoughts and things that are happening in my life.
I will make some things public and some things private depending on how I am feeling on the day. I have lots of thoughts and things happening in my life and sometimes it just helps to get them out in the open in some form of text. Things may not always make sense and I am ramble on about nothing, but least I am giving it go.