This came from a page on Netlog from dingoboots.
I thought it summed things up nicely. Well done dingoboots.



Before I was a Mum
I never tripped over toys or forgot words to a lullaby.
I didn't worry whether or not my plants were poisonous.
I never thought about immunizations.

Before I was a Mum -
I had never been puked on.
Pooped on.
Chewed on.
Peed on.
I had complete control of my mind and my thoughts.
I slept all night.

Before I was a Mum
I never held down a screaming child so doctors could do tests.
Or give shots.
I never looked into teary eyes and cried.
I never got gloriously happy over a simple grin.
I never sat up late hours at night watching a baby sleep.

Before I was a Mum
I never held a sleeping baby just because I didn't want to put him down.
I never felt my heart break into a million pieces when I couldn't stop the hurt.
I never knew that something so small could affect my life so much.
I never knew that I could love someone so much.
I never knew I would love being a Mum .

Before I was a Mum -
I didn't know the feeling of having my heart outside my body.
I didn't know how special it could feel to feed a hungry baby.
I didn't know that bond between a mother and her child.
I didn't know that something so small could make me feel so important and happy.

Before I was a Mum -
I had never gotten up in the middle of the night every 10 minutes to make sure all was okay.
I had never known the warmth, the joy, the love, the heartache,
the wonderment or the satisfaction of being a Mum .
I didn't know I was capable of feeling so much, before I was a Mum .

Being able to get in here every day and putting my thoughts in writing is proving to be harder than what I thought.
I have this tiny parinoia that someone close to me or someone I know will find this and read it and know too much about me.
There are things that I keep to myself for reasons being none other than trust, and the lack of it I hold with people around me.

Not an easy thing to overcome when you have had a life of constantly being used and betrayed by people. At first I was just too naive to think that people could be so mean and nasty and not keep anything in confidence. It has taken me a number of years to work out that the people I trusted were betraying me.

I try and try to let go of the resentment I hold for people and the trust issue I have with people. It is just not as easy as people try and advise me it is. Do they look at me and think I am an idiot when they suggest that all I have to do us just open up and let it out and everything will be ok. Yeah right. I tried that and where did that get me?????

My head just wont let me move on as easily as I would like.